The Ultimate Guide for the Avid Indoorsman: Book Review

TNM: What inspired you to write a guide to the Great Indoors? 

JD: The truth is, I wanted to speak up for the often misunderstood global tribe of Indoorsmen (and Indoorswomen) around the world who feel overlooked, underrepresented, and mischaracterized simply because they can’t sustain suntans or long walks on the beach. I wanted to call them to rise (or at least move from a reclined to a sitting position) from their easy chairs, massage chairs, and beanbag chairs to fully embrace and grow in the vast discipline of Indoorsmanship… the courageous life they can live without shame, or at least with a reasonable amount of it. 
Also, my publisher pitched me the idea. 

TNM: What is the key to being an avid Indoorsman? 

JD: What indeed. There really isn’t a single key to unlocking the world of the Avid Indoorsman any more than there is a single key to unlocking the door to the magical world of Narnia, or to your house, for that matter (unless you have a house key). There are actually many levels of Indoorsmanship that precede the mastery level of “avid.” These levels (in ascending order from least avid to most) are as follows: Avid Outdoorsman, Social Outdoorsman, Casual Indoorsman, Moderate Indoorsman, and Avid Indoorsman. One key to the study of Indoorsmanship, if you must pick one, would be one’s level of interaction with and mastery of technological devices. It is as if devices somehow recognize the nearness of the Avid Indoorsman, responding to him with fewer screen freezes and faster internet speeds. While the Avid Outdoorsman thinks breaking through a firewall means running headlong through an actual wall of flames, any respectable Indoorsman understands the language and necessity of technology… like a phone whisperer of sorts.

TNM: What tips would you give someone who wants to spend more time inside? 

JD: Indoorsmanship should not be confused with laziness, reclusiveness, or hoarding. I suggest that you endeavor to learn more about thriving in your indoor space, not just camping out there, so to speak. The longer you spend indoors, the more challenges you will face therein, including, but not limited to, FOMA (Fear of Miscellaneous Assembly)—the crippling anxiety that can overtake even the most intrepid of Indoorsmen when they, for instance, open a flat box from IKEA that is supposed to contain a dresser, but instead find nothing inside but a stump, a chisel, and a note that reads “Good Luck” in Dutch. Tragic, really. Indoorsmanship is no laughing matter… except for the book I wrote about it, of course. 

TNM: The Man Cave-every man wants is. What makes up the best set up for a man cave? 

JD: In my book, there is a graphic that charts the historical and sociological movement of the Indoorsman “From Cave Man to Man Cave.” From the genesis of Indoorsmanship, the basic quest has been to find as much sustainable comfort indoors as possible. So while modern Man Caves boast a complete visual smorgasbord of high-tech gadgets, flat screens, and bluetooth wonders, all that is really needed is solitude, serenity, and a cold beverage. 

TNM: Can you describe the different types of indoorsmen vs. outdoorsmen?

JD: While I’ve already described the Indoorsman in detail, the outdoorsman is another animal altogether. He may often pronounce the word “Wifi” as “Wee-fee.” He may also constantly express confusion about hashtags, mainly wondering why everyone keeps using pound signs in their text messages. But outdoorsmanship and Indoorsmanship are not mutually exclusive, not in the least. The work that authors such as myself are pursuing to the detriment of a steady income can help any outdoorsman also learn to hunt and trap a good life indoors. In some cases, they can even use outdoor equipment to help make the transition, such as repurposing an old fishing vest to keep up with all the remote controls, placing one in each pocket on his fragrant person. Another good place to start is to have him make a vow, as difficult as it may be, to never again possess, for any amount of time, any vessel that contains urine of any kind, animal or his own. This is where the healing begins. 

TNM: What are the greatest dangers Indoorsmen face? 

JD: Dangers are aplenty, including the aforementioned FOMA and the way it specifically applies to the assembly of kitchen appliances, bathroom fixtures, indoor furniture, miscellaneous deck and pool paraphernalia, children’s toys assembled on Christmas Eve, and children’s toys assembled on Christmas Day. Indoorsman actually do go outside quite often, regardless of the stereotypes that claim otherwise. When they do, they face many dangers, the greatest being: snakes, Bigfoot, the Loch Ness Monster, dirt, sunburns, quicksand, and of course, the loss of cell service. 

TNM: What are the benefits of being an Indoorsman? 

JD: If the Outdoorsman’s motto is “The world is your oyster,” the Indoorsman’s might be “The world is your oyster cracker.” While the oyster is considered a delicacy to many, it is also labor-intensive to retrieve, prepare, and (depending upon the particular preparation) consume. Also, you would never sprinkle oysters over a bowl of soup or open up a bag of oysters to snack on as you sit in bed and watch Netflix. Like the Outdoorsman’s viewpoint of the world, it may not suit everyone’s tastes—and smells.

But the oyster cracker is simple and inexpensive, yet so valuable in its own right. Much like the Avid Indoorsman’s approach to life, the oyster cracker only enhances experiences; it never detracts from them. It can be successfully sprinkled across most anything. It is useful, accessible, and often overlooked in its simplistic brilliance. Such is Indoorsmanship.

TNM: Who would you recommend your book to? 

JD: In all seriousness (so to speak), this book is written and illustrated to be universally enjoyable for everyone. It pokes fun at both the Outdoorsman and Indoorsman alike, allowing both men and women something silly, yet profoundly and absurdly specific, to ponder or meander through as they spend time on an airplane, near their own coffee table, or in the most crucial indoor space there is: the bathroom.